


Sometimes the wind doesn't blow our way.

by Fleetfatfox12



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Character Death, Depression, Friendship/Love, M/M, Self-Harm, Yamato and Mitsuki are just friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 01:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleetfatfox12/pseuds/Fleetfatfox12
Summary: Mitsuki's been struggling. He tells Yamato about it in the courtyard. He gets better...but years pass. The wind does not blow his way.





	Sometimes the wind doesn't blow our way.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not Yamato x Mitsuki. This is Yamato's friendship and close bond with Mitsuki. The relationships become clear.
> 
> Also this is my debut to Ao3. I hope you like it. Also, this was posted on Wattpad as part of my Oneshots book of idolish7. Please let me know if you'd be interested in me posting them here too! Okay! Enjoy the story. And apologies it's sort of short.

The meetings in the courtyard were not uncommon. They happened frequently, actually. It was a place for Yamato and Mitsuki to talk to one another about their problems.

Well, frequently is a bit of a lie. It was whenever they both decided to spend time in the courtyard when they weren't too tired.

However, Yamato did not expect what was coming next. Never in his life, as a person, idol, leader or friend did he ever expect to have to shoulder something like that.

They were sat in the courtyard on a cold Tuesday night. It wasn't hard to see Mitsuki had been slower, tense, more careful in his dancing. Even in his practice, it was still fully visible.

Mitsuki had taken deep shaky breaths that night as he sat with Yamato. It was clear to see he was mustering up all of the courage. Because of this, Yamato whispered "Take your time."

He did. He took his time so slowly his words were choked. After Mitsuki decided he wouldn't be able to say it, he moved his right arm as far as he could back.

Then, he turned so his knees touched Yamato. Lip quivering, he'd moved his orange hoodie sleeve up to reveal numerous cuts.

They were scattered, uncaring and deep. The scabs had formed over the blood bubbles, making them bumpy and uneven. His arms were prone to infection, so much so it looked like they were beginning to swell and itch.

Eyes wide, Yamato had placed down his beer on the floor and shifted sideways to properly face Mitsuki. He held up the skinny arm halfway up his own waist, just so he could see it better.

Not knowing what to say, Yamato had just stared at the mess of cuts and swelling, before asking "Why?"

There was no response received, obviously. Mitsuki did not want to fish for compliments, tell Yamato it was just him in general and such on. It would make him seem like he was searching for attention.

Changing the question to one more answerable, Yamato asked again "How long?" He was still unable yo comprehend the whole situation.

Tears began to brim in Mitsuki's big eyes, a pout of upset on his face, his lips pursed and his tiny nose flushed. "B-Before I even joined the agency..." he mumbled.

Yamato gripped his nose with his free hand, eyebrows furrowed in disappointment and hurt. "That long,huh?" He hummed in a monotone voice.

With an expression of guilt, Mitsuki began to apologise over and over, close to a breakdown it was scary.

Expression tight, Yamato let go of Mitsuki's arm and gripped his shoulders. "You must go to counselling, Mitsu. This is serious. The present and the other have to know."

"No!NO! I-I can't..." he yelled breathlessly, hoarsely, "It-it'll break Iori's heart! The others...  
th-they'll...please don't tell anyone!"

Biting his lip in frustration and confusion, Yamato gripped Mitsuki's shoulders tighter and then let go. "Alright...but, promise me you'll tell me if anything happens, instead of doing this to yourself...." he whispered.

Mitsuki didn't do anything for a short period of time. "I can't promise anything...but I'll try..." he croaked out.

The next day and the day after that, no words were spoken on the matter. The seven of them were practicing hour upon hour for another concert in a slightly bigger concert hall than they were used to.

Everyone was geared up in their costumes and make-up. They were all ready to go onstage, hearing the fans chant for them as it was nearly time. They gathered into their circle, waiting for Yamato's words.

However, a small hand was missing that belonged to a small boy of orange. They all turned their heads to Mitsuki's direction,who, was, in fact, stood in the corner of the room.

He had his arms held up to his chest and it was clear to see his erratic breathing. Visible from miles away was the amount he was shaking and the sound of him coughing was audible.

Immediately, Iori flocked over to him, turning him around and trying to crouch slightly so he could catch Mitsuki's eyes, flitting about him. 

Eyes wide with fear, like a deer in headlights, Mitsuki could only look at everyone. His outfit was different, as he'd requested to wear stylized gloves that stopped just under the elbow.

There wasn't long until the show started. Mere minutes. Yamato couldn't stand there and watch the other crowd him when he was clearly panicked about certain things.

Squaring his shoulders and walking towards the others a bit, Yamato said "Hey, don't surround him. Give him time to breathe."

Then, he approached Mitsuki and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Whatever is stressing you out, forget it. You can tell us later. Let's perform a show for everyone to enjoy,okay?" Yamato smiled.

A sincere smile had formed on Mitsuki's face and his breathing calmed. Everyone was pumped up because of their precious leaders words! It was great!

Midway the concert, there was a very emotional stage, that resulted in tears from Riku, Sougo and Tamaki, as they all thanked their fans for the support.

After the concert had finished, everyone was very happy and content with what they'd done. However, Iori did eventually bring the question up of what was wrong before the concert.

With concerned expressions, the others watched Mitsuki brush him off with the excuse that it was pre-stage jitters. But everyone knew he was lying.

That night,in the courtyard, Mitsuki had confessed to stage fright and anxiety to Yamato. It was a problem Yamato could handle, and with some reassuring and comfort could surely be fixed.

Upon checking Mitsuki's arms, though, the cuts were as fresh as food out the oven, made hours prior to that moment.

"I thought I told you..." Yamato sighed with sympathy. He watched Mitsuki's dejected expression become more gloomy.

The air felt melancholic, and all Yamato could do was sit there in silence and squeeze Mitsuki's hand tightly.

"Talk to me" Yamato begged, his expression pained as his grip on Mitsuki's hand tightened. While waiting for Mitsuki's answer he grit his teeth. And sure enough, Mitsuki began to talk.

He told Yamato about how he felt worthless, he was severely bullied in a boarding school his parents forced him to go to because they could only afford to feed themselves and Iori. He said that he wasn't loved in his home life; Iori took it over. Iori was the most important in his parents eyes.

The thing that struck Yamato in his heart was when Mitsuki told him that he'd gotten engaged a year before he was scouted. However, due to the dating ban in the industry and Mitsuki not actually loving the man, he called the engagement off and decided to focus on his career.

Unexpectedly, Mitsuki had told him, sobbing and bawling, hugging Yamato close and tight, he'd received the news a month after their debut that the man had killed himself. This left Mitsuki to blame himself about it and say that he caused it.

"Even if you were the cause of it, Mitsu, and I know you weren't," Yamato spoke softly, " he'd probably been holding up emotions for years before that. One break up wouldn't cause anyone to snap."

Mitsuki's grip was so tight on Yamato's hand. It was as if Yamato was his only lifeline or thing to live for. To be honest, it was mostly the truth. Idols killed themselves all the time, so it wasn't like they lived for the fans: Mitsuki could do it, but Yamato was the only one who seemed to care enough.

"Don't you think we should...Tell the others...and the president?" Yamato asked. Upon seeing Mitsuki's angered expression, he added "The anxiety, At least."

From there Mitsuki had no choice but to comply. Before he knew it, he was sat in the dorm room in front of Tsumugi and Banri, the president and the remaining members of Idolish7.

He fessed up to anxiety and cutting. Telling his story had made Iori cry. In his story to the others, he just mentioned that his parents had never liked him; not anything about Iori.

"I-I'm sorry....I never noticed..." Iori sniffled, cradled in his brothers shaking arms. It wasn't long before everyone had joined in on a group hug.

However, a few days later, Yamato was awoken in the middle of the night to some sharp grunts and hisses. It didn't sound like Sougo or Tamaki again.

Quietly, he tip-toed to his door and cracked it open. He saw the bathroom light was on. Brows furrowed, he hurried to the bathroom and saw exactly what he feared. 

Blood in the sink and on the floor, relentless attacks to his arms. But more importantly, the small boy on the floor, covered in his own blood and vomit.

"Damn it!" Yamato said, cursing his way back to his room for his phone and all the way back to the bathroom, the ambulance service on the phone.

The ambulance was efficient and had arrived with four minutes. They were at the hospital and into a room within an additional five. 

As instructed, Yamato sat in the waiting room: head in his hands. The doctors bought him a coffee to drink. He napped for about two hours too but that was all.

When he told the others the next morning, they all rushed up; Iori in tears once again. It was a tense few hours from there, Sougo and Tamaki on coffee runs.

After an eternity, all of their hearts were lifted when a doctor told them he was fine and that he'd just need a few months of recovery.

For the few months of recovery until he was allowed home, everyone stayed in his room. Iori never let go of his hand the whole time, apart from to go home.

Yamato decided to spend those draining few months with him, not once leaving his side. Just being a supportive best friend.

Those few months were those Yamato was grateful for, as he became closer to Trigger's Ryunosuke: his boyfriend. 

And it seemed that, after a long while, Mitsuki had begun a relationship with Nagi. From there, things picked up. However, Mitsuki still relied on Yamato for that support when it was needed.

Fastforward thirteen years. Yamato was now thirty-four years old. Happily married to Ryunosuke with three children. 

Idolish7 decided that they were to take a very long hiatus and that they would return when their kids were older and they were in their mid-forties.

That was what had been planned. But the wind doesn't blow some people's lives in the right direction. It likes to beat them until the could no longer handle it.

Nagi had passed. It was very sudden and unexpected. He was thirty when he had passed. Eleven years after the hiatus had been announced.

It was a very unexpected heart attack. Luckily, He had been with Mitsuki the entire time, so he died with his own husband.

Everyone was so so so supportive to Mitsuki during that time. However, Mitsuki could no longer take the heartbreak. Their eldest son, Skye, aged just thirteen, their second eldest son, Romi, aged eleven, and their daughter, Kona, aged nine, were sent to live with their uncles Iori and Riku.

Everyone understood why. Mitsuki wasn't in the right state of mind. During that time, Yamato stayed close to him and relied on Ryunosuke to take care of his own children. 

One day, though, Mitsuki didn't answer the door. Fear washed over him and just like he did all those years ago, burst in. 

Breathing heavy, he'd entered Mitsuki's bedroom. Only to see him hanging by a noose...

"N-no..." He breathed shakily.

"N-No...." He repeated.

"No!" He screamed.

The funeral proceeded, the kids forever living with Riku and Iori. The graves placed next to one another. The respects payed.

Sometimes, you can't save people. No matter how hard you try. Because...sometimes... the wind just doesn't blow their way. 

It blows in favour to hurt.


End file.
